Abah

Assalamualaikum hai semua.

This is so.. heartbreaking news to share. Ya Allah I don't even know how to start. To everyone yang mengenali abah saya, mohon panjatkan doa agar abah saya boleh kembali sihat seperti dulu. Moga Allah merahmati semua orang yang mendoakan abah saya.

Abah is diagnosed with lung cancer. He is now a cancer fighter.

It was all started when abah started to coughing non stop. We were all worried. Of course kami semua risau. Tapi tak cukup untuk diagnosed lebih awal. Ralat? Sangat. I am still crying up till today, regretting not forcing my abah to check his condition earlier.

On May 2023, abah driving home from having his breakfast with mak outside. He suddenly felt like the world is spinning around, he thought it was earthquake. Abah berhenti drive and park tepi masjid. Keluar je kereta terus abah muntah-muntah.

Went to the nearby clinic to check his condition, and the attending doctor noticed abah was coughing non stop. So the doctor asked him to do further tests; sputum and mantoux test. Abah buat x-ray jugak. He was suspected with TB.

At this moment, we were all prayed for abah tested negative for TB because God knows how hard it is to be disciplined on completing the antibiotic for the treatment. 

And Allah answered our prayers. It's not TB, but it is worse than that. Abah's chest x-ray showed abnormality, his diagnosis was 'tro lung ca'. To rule out lung cancer. Allahuakbar, besar ujianMu ya Allah.

Early July 2023, abah's backache getting worse. Apart from coughing, abah had suffered with backache for quite long. And again, how I wish we realised it sooner.

The next step was to do CT thorax in order to get a better view of the mentioned 'abnormality'. So we brought abah to my workplace, test and result in just one day. I was obviously so nervous. Couldn't hide that fact. My colleagues will all knew it too but I really don't mind. 

Then the doctor said, abah's case was an urgent case. She advised us to do the next step immediately, which is biopsy. To get a sample from his lung and to rule out what is what.

Financial constraint is our main concern. But abah's life matters the most. Alhamdulillah my sisters and families helped a lot. We managed to do the biopsy procedure at the private hospital but sadly on the date abah was supposed to do the biopsy, his oxygen level dropped badly. He was warded.

Throughout this process, I knew abah was crying and having a hard time. Abah fully depends on ventilator. Abah was well aware of his current condition. While waiting for the result of biopsy, abah buat macam-macam test untuk tahu lebih lanjut berkaitan cancer ni. Gene test, blood test apatah lagi. Tangan and kaki abah berlubang-lubang sebab doctors and nurses banyak kali cucuk ambik darah. Hanya abah dan Allah je tahu sakit yang abah tanggung.

Once the result out, we decided to take abah to GH Melaka, to get treatment there. However, the doctor advising us to continue the treatment at the previous private hospital as the place can offer much better than GH.

We brought abah to KL again. Just few days after coming back to KL, abah semput. At 3am, my sister drove abah to emergency and getting quick treatment prior to that. The oxygen tank we prepared at home is now no longer enough to support abah.

Abah masuk ward lagi. Never a day goes by without me crying rindukan abah, kasihankan abah. This is not what I expected to happen to abah. Throughout my 26 years of life, abah is like the embodiment of strength. He never showed his weakness to all of us. Abah has been using his whole body and life to feed us all. I never imagine myself to see this kind of thing with my own eyes. 

Sepanjang warded kali ni, dah beberapa kali abah diserang semput. I even saw it myself, on 22nd August 2023, on his wedding anniversary with mak. Abah was getting pigtail drainage procedure. Tebuk paru-paru untuk buang segala bengkak air dekat lung abah. Can you imagine his current condition? How bad it is sampaikan kena bertebuk.

I hold his hand tightly, hoping the strength can be felt by him too. Semoga abah tahu, anak-anak abah memang tak pernah putus berharap dan berdoa untuk abah. I stayed with abah until 11pm. I tak sedar I was on menses, I was too busy looking after him. 

I knew I am not a big contributor, I got no money to give to the siblings and helping in terms of financial. Tapi Alhamdulillah ida dapat jaga abah sekejap-sekejap, mengharapkan abah maafkan kekurangan ida ni. Today, 25th August 2023, doctor discussed the result of CT pulmonary embolism abah did yesterday with my sister. Doctor keeps on reminding us about 'the few months left' and even told my abah the same thing. We were all so disappointed when we realised abah knew it too. Abah wasn't ready for it. He cried out loud. I have no strength to imagine it again.

When this happened, only my sister was there with abah. She said abah kept asking for me. My sister thought I could calm him down, but nope. I was drenched with tears too. I can't hold it anymore, been pretending strong too long. My sister cakap, abah menangis and bagitahu dia nak nikahkan I. Then he said, he knew he will never be able to do that anymore.

What on earth is he thinking.... abah you're not supposed to think about me at all. I also have got no time to think about myself. How could you do this to me abah.

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How I wish it was me suffered all of this. Allah pindahkanlah sakit abah pada aku. Tak sanggup nak tengok abah tanggung semua ni. Abah thinking about mak a lot. He said he missed mak. He even dreamed of going out with mak, but sadly in his dream, mak is missing so he cried in his sleep looking for mak. He is so scared of losing mak...

Ya allah, sembuhkanlah abah. Sembuhkanlah abah. Sembuhkanlah abah. Angkatlah sakit yang abah tanggung. Hanya kepadaMu aku berserah, semoga abah sihat dan kembali ke pangkuan kami semua. Aku rindukan abah.