Abah (Pt 2)

 

Assalamualaikum

Abah's condition is deteriorating. Last two days I came visit him, and he ate a bowl of porridge. I can still make jokes and he can play along with it. Yesterday, he talked less. Was told he kinda loss his voice probably due to medicine or prolong used of ventilator? I don't know just roughly guessing. 

And today, he talked lesser. Just hand gestures to give instructions to me, or just nodding for yes and shaking as in no. I am sad. Seeing him blank-staring all the time. He whispered to me "abah letih". I stop him from saying any negative words, all I said was "takpe abah, nanti okay", when I knew it didn't ease him at all.

I don't know how to cheer him up. Alhamdulillah today kak long staying up with abah at ward. Hopefully abah will gain all the energy back seeing his first daughter with him.

Abah will undergo stenting procedure tomorrow (01.09.2023). Wishing everything goes well for him. Berharap after the procedure, abah can breathe normally or at least, mengurangkan rasa sesak nafas tu.

Feeling a bit useless as a daughter but I can do nothing to help him. A bit down. I wish all of this was just a dream. I don't mind waking up after a long long sleep if this was only a bad dream. 

I miss abah so much. I miss having him at home. I miss getting scold by him. I miss the feeling of getting fetch by him at the railway station. I miss calling him and everytime he said 'ida dah nak sampai? nanti abah datang'. I miss his jokes. I miss his crazy and loud laugh. I miss his silly smile. I miss how he always backing me up when something happened at home.

I miss him so much.

Ya Allah please don't take him away from me. Sembuhkan lah abah. Angkatlah sakit yang abah sedang tanggung sekarang. I'm not ready for the worst. I still need abah in my life.